How to Write Good

I borrowed — not plagiarized — this from Megan Rebekah — who I believe borrowed it from someone else — so you may have seen this by now.

Enjoy!

How to Write Good

1. Always avoid annoying alliteration.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren’t necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don’t never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

40. No sentence fragments.

42. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

43. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

44. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

45. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

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11 Responses

  1. I like.

    Um, I mean, “I like this blog post.”

    Sorry.

    *cough*

    Adam

  2. LOL – When I first saw the title, I immediately thought of the 30 Rock when Tracy Jordon says to Toofer “Superman does good; you do well”

    LOL

    • I haven’t seen that show since the first season. The title reminds me of Zoolander and his school for kids who can’t read good.

  3. But I love long lyrical alliterations

  4. This was funny. (And glad we don’t have to follow all of those rules or nothing would get written!)

    • Can you imagine? I’m most guilty of the sentence fragments and I find I leave out pronouns a lot.

  5. So funny! I loved them all, and I do them all. I’m so, er, proud?

  6. Nice post! Thanks for sharing ;o)

    I *may* be guilty of some of those.

  7. I really liked your blog! great

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